With Trainspotting 2 hitting the cinemas it's been something of a nostalgia fest for me to see the famous ''Choose Life'' monologue return into the public consciousness and now, with the new Trainspotting film, receive something of an update by including social media and zero hour contracts into its sardonic description of the current zeitgeist.
I'm of a similar age and cultural background to the characters in Trainspotting and recognized as much when it came out 20 years ago. Perhaps when I actually get to see the film I'll write a post on it. For now, however, I thought I'd offer my own slant on the famous ''Choose Life'' monologue as it should be updated for 2017......
Choose Life, Choose Cosmopolitan Liberalism....
Choose a consumer identity to make you free!.
Choose a fucking smart phone with 500 gadgets you'll never use.
Choose an Afghani brother in law.
Choose gender neutral toilets.
Choose open borders for Global Capital but tell yourself you ''Love Humanity''.
Choose no go zones and Shariah law.
Choose skinny jeans for men and front line combat service for women.
Choose trendy know-it-all atheism.
Choose a girlfriend who's screwed 20 other men, choose to tell yourself you don't care.
Choose DVD box set binges.
Choose Jewish media ownership, but choose not to notice.
Choose liberal celebrities who hate your guts.
Choose diversity quotas and never ask how it actually enriches you.
Choose black crime.
Choose Pakistani grooming gangs and the sexual slavery of white girls.
Choose white flight and telling yourself it's all about ''good schools''.
Choose a half-caste grandchild and a Nigerian son in law.
Choose trying to work as hard and as long as Poles and Bulgarians.
Choose to watch your ''liberated'' woman with ''equal rights'' work 12 hour night shifts in a fucking box factory.
Choose to ignore the demographic horror story.
Choose to convince yourself there's a difference between the political parties.
Choose to check your white privilege.
Choose to feel bad about the holocaust.
Choose to be happy when your little boy tells you he's a non-binary, non cisnormative, genderqueer wanker.
Choose to support #RefugeesWelcome one day and #PrayForTheVictimsOfTerrorism the next.
Choose to sink your sweat into a debt based economy which will always be in debt no matter how many hours you work.
Choose X-Factor and choose to forget you were being ironic when you began to watch it.
Choose blacks and Asians in historical costume dramas.
Choose to celebrate diversity and choose to ignore that you have to.
Choose multiculturalism and choose to tell yourself you have a choice.
Choose to sip herbal tea and feel ethical as your racial family is purposefully erased off the face of the planet.
Choose Life, choose liberal values......