Thursday, 23 August 2018

How The Crappy New Star Wars Films Should Have Been Made.....




I've recently been exploring the deconstruction of the new Star Wars films, particularly ''The Last Jedi''. However, rather than regurgitate what has been said before, and absolutely everything about the awful Last Jedi which can be said has been said, I decided instead to simply rewrite the script from a new and interesting perspective. 

After all, in an age when politics dominates the creating and destroying of pop culture myths, it seems to me that rather than endlessly critique Social Justice and feminist tropes, we can instead re-imagine these films, or any other work of pop culture, in our own image...... 


In the years following Return of the Jedi, the ''New Republic'', fearing a return of The Sith and Jedi, enacted increasingly brutal measures against anyone capable of using The Force. Whole populations were replaced with new species of aliens and everywhere, people dreaded being caught and forced to endure the terrifying ''Force Purge'' brainwashing programme.

On the remote planet of Aryana, a young man, Heidler, dreaming of greatness and higher order, witnesses the mind heist of his womenfolk by the New Republic, turning all of them into ''Force-Free'' baby making machines. Fleeing Aryana and narrowly escaping the New Republic's thought control droids, Heidler sets course for the Outer Rim to discover the teachings of the Old Sith Order and, perhaps, answers.

Meanwhile on the swamp planet of Degoba, the mysterious old monk Adolphus discovers some uncomfortable truths. The Jedi and the Republic were simply fronts for a shadowy group known simply as ''The Traders''.  The aim of the Traders is not simply to wipe out those capable of using The Force, but to break down all order and meaning in the entire galaxy, and thereby to rule it forever.

Dumbstruck by his discovery, Adolphus heads for the capital of the New Republic, now named ''Tolerantis''......



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